The Good, Bad and Ugly from /R/ Relationship Advice (2024)

Table of Contents
The Good The Bad The Ugly FAQs

A lot of people turn to Reddit for relationship advice, finding that the anonymous, user-generated info is really relatable and even helpful. In the Reddit interface, posters normally explain a relationship problem that they are having, and other users comment with advice, forums to turn to, or just general support. While some of these comments can be super helpful, there is no guarantee that the commenters have any experience with this specific situation or any experience with relationship counseling in general.

So while R/Relationship Advice can offer some good insight, it’s important to take these suggestions with a grain of salt. In this article, relationship coaches at Relish took a look at some of the top posts on Reddit to see what kind of advice people were giving.

Here is a breakdown of our takeaways from R/Relationship Advice:

The Good

In a brief post, a husband shares that he found out that his wife of ten years and mother to his two children cheated on him multiple times with an ex. He explains that he is confused and hurt, and doesn’t know what he should do, especially considering that they have young children. In the comment thread, a user suggests that he should take some time to himself away from his partner to process things when he is in a less emotional state. The user also suggests that he a) get an STI test and require that his wife do the same b) find a relationship counselor to help them work through their problems if he chooses the path of reconciliation and c) find a divorce attorney so that he understands what ending the marriage would really look like. The commenter stresses that it’s important to take time to process and avoid rash, emotional decision making, especially when children are involved. The commenter also links to R/Surviving Infidelity, a different Reddit thread for people who have had partners cheat on them. This comment gets a “Good” rating for the relationship coaches at Relish. The comment stresses emotional and physical wellbeing by suggesting to take some time apart and by suggesting to get STI checks. The comment also recommends that the poster lean on professionals to help him navigate this very difficult situation. While some people prefer to keep instances of infidelity private, relying on counselors and even seeking legal advice early on can help you cope and make a long term plan.

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The Bad

In another post, someone shares that she and her boyfriend of six years are at an impasse about marriage. Some of their mutual friends are getting married, which prompted the conversation about marriage and it turns out that they are not on the same page. She would like to get married before having children and moving in (something that they both want to do as a couple), but he doesn’t want to get married because of his parent’s failed marriage and how it affected his childhood. In response to this post, the majority of commenters told the poster that she should end the relationship then and there, stating that incompatibility on this matter was irreconcilable. While this is potentially the case, telling someone to end the relationship on the spot is BAD advice. The woman who posted should at least have more discussions with her partner about marriage and try to come to a compromise about it. If they have been together for six years, and want to have a family together, a disagreement about marriage status should not be the end of their previously successful relationship. It’s possible to unpack the reasons why she wants to be married in addition to the reasons he doesn’t want to be married and come to a mutually beneficial agreement. For example, if she is primarily interested in the financial benefits of marriage, some places apply marital tax law to “common-law marriages” if partners live together for a long enough period of time. If he is worried about the marriage going south, the couple can come up with a prenuptial agreement to offer protections in the case of a divorce. There can be creative solutions to make sure that both partners are happy in whatever long term arrangement they reach! Relationship advice that tells you to act rashly or end things on the spot, isn’t good relationship advice. Even if ending the relationship is the right call, it’s important to make a rational plan.

The Ugly

Some R/relationship Advice is good, some is bad, and some is flat-out ugly. Sometimes commenters don’t really give advice, but instead make hurtful comments about how the poster, or their partner are mishandling a situation. A lot of the ugly comments come up in cases of infidelity. In one of the top posts on Reddit, a man shares that he thinks his wife is cheating on him, but is afraid to confront her because she has denied these types of accusations before. While some commenters express their condolences to the poster before offering advice, others go after both him and his wife. Some commenters question why he would trust her if he already had suspicions before, others call him names for considering staying with her, while others insult her, saying she’s not worthy of him and clearly just a cheater. These types of ugly comments can often do more harm than good. It’s hard to judge a situation if you don’t know both sides of the story, or if you don’t know the people personally. These types of comments can lead the people who posted to feel judged instead of supported. While R/Relationship Advice can help people navigate tricky relationship problems, it can also cause some harm because of the unmoderated commenters.

If you are looking at Reddit and see comments like these, try not to read too much into them. The majority of posters are there to help you solve your problems in a judgement free space. A lot of commenters regulate these ugly comments and even regulate bad advice, so be sure to read through all of the threads to get the best possible R/RelationshipAdvice.

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By Caitlin Killoren on Feb 01, 2021

With a degree in Psychology and over a decade of experience, Caitlin has made improving people's relationships both her career and her passion. Her work has been featured in publications like Bustle, Well + Good, and Goalcast, and she currently resides in Austin, Texas with her husband and giant fluffy dog, Remy.

The Good, Bad and Ugly from /R/ Relationship Advice (2024)

FAQs

What was the best relationship advice you ever got? ›

It's crucial that you hold each other in high esteem, believe in one another—often more than you each believe in yourselves—and trust that your partner is doing his/her best with what they've got. Without that bedrock of respect, you will begin to doubt each other's intentions.

Can the worst relationship be saved? ›

‍Yes, you can fix a toxic relationship, but it requires work. You might feel compelled to ask why fixing a toxic relationship is so tricky? The answer is simple. You have to be aware of the problem to fix it.

How do you end a relationship that is not good for you? ›

Make a plan.

Decide how, when, where, and why you are ending the relationship and do it. Don't look back, don't give in (to your own desires and feelings, or theirs), and trust that you are doing the right thing. Write yourself notes about why you are doing it to remind yourself. Reward yourself for not going back.

How to deal with having an unattractive partner? ›

These two strategies—being in charge of your own well-being and retraining your brain to focus on what you find attractive in your mate—together are a powerful combination. Both can retrain your mind to accept your partner as they are, just as you want them to accept you as the one you are.

How to make a man miss you? ›

10 proven ways to make a guy miss you
  1. Deliberately leave things behind. ...
  2. Give him some personal space. ...
  3. Make him wait before replying his texts. ...
  4. Take things slow. ...
  5. Wear a unique perfume. ...
  6. Add some mystery to your experiences together. ...
  7. Have adventures with him (and your friends)
Jan 18, 2018

Why do guys act like babies around their girlfriends? ›

“In psychoanalytic theory, individuals revert their behavior to an earlier stage of development, and they may mimic childish mannerisms as well as speech. It is actually very common and most couples resort to it when they want to either display vulnerability or as a way to get closer in a very intimate manner.”

What is 1 thing that destroys a relationship? ›

Contempt is more than criticism or saying something negative. It's when one partner asserts that they are smarter, have better morals, or are simply a better human being than the other. The partner on the receiving end feels unworthy and unloved. For example, continually interrupting the other person is disrespectful.

What are the signs of a dying relationship? ›

What does real trouble look like?
  • There's no emotional connection. ...
  • Communication breakdown. ...
  • Aggressive or confrontational communication. ...
  • There's no appeal to physical intimacy. ...
  • You don't trust them. ...
  • Fantasising about others. ...
  • You're not supporting each other and have different goals. ...
  • You can't imagine a future together.

When it's too late to save a relationship? ›

Many relationships can be saved, but a few signs might suggest it is too late for counseling. These include feeling frustrated by the same ongoing problems, prolonged withdrawal from your partner, and failed attempts to mend things.

How to let go of someone you love who can't be with you? ›

10 tips for letting go of someone you care about
  1. Put yourself first. Feeling like you're letting someone down or hurting someone you care for is challenging. ...
  2. Let yourself grieve. ...
  3. Seek out support. ...
  4. Stay busy. ...
  5. Forgive. ...
  6. Learn from your mistakes. ...
  7. Consider cutting contact. ...
  8. Find your happy place.
Jun 7, 2023

How to leave a man you love? ›

How do you leave someone you still love?
  1. Prepare for the split. Before having a conversation with your partner about your plans to breakup, it may help you to get as ready as you can prior to. ...
  2. Breakup in person. ...
  3. Be honest. ...
  4. Make a clean break. ...
  5. Keep with your decision. ...
  6. Write about it. ...
  7. Don't be afraid to seek help.

How do you know if he's really done? ›

25 telltale signs that the relationship is over for him
  • He's asking for too much space; it doesn't make sense. ...
  • You feel it deep within. ...
  • You are also losing interest in the relationship. ...
  • Communicating with him is like talking to a statue. ...
  • He no longer initiates sex. ...
  • Having sex with you feels like a chore.
Dec 28, 2023

What should a unhealthy relationship look like? ›

Unhealthy relationships are built on power and control. In the beginning, unhealthy behaviors might not seem like a big deal. However, insults, jealous accusations, yelling, put-downs, shoving, pushing or other abusive behaviors, are unhealthy and disrespectful.

What to do if your partner doesn't find you physically attractive? ›

Speak to your partner openly and honestly about the changes you have noticed in their attraction to you. Learn how they see you, or if your behavior has changed to an extent that may be causing them to pull away.

Can you love someone and not be attracted to them? ›

Yes, emotional and physical attraction can be completely separate, explains mental health counselor, Lily Ewing. “You might love someone for their humor or intelligence and just never get interested in them physically or sexually,” she says.

What is the best advice for a relationship? ›

Doing fun activities together is very important, as often 'deep and meaningful' conversations about couple issues can turn into disagreements which leave you both feeling worse, not better. Fun activities are like glue. Be flexible – let your relationship grow and adapt as you both change.

What's the best piece of advice you've ever been? ›

Don't worry about having everything figured out, because you never will. The best thing you can do is make progress, no matter how slow. Moving in the right direction is more important than arriving.

What is the best advice anyone ever gave you? ›

Here is the best advice anyone has ever given you*
  • Stop and take a breath. Say 'I don't know' when you don't know.
  • Put service above self. ...
  • Work on the biggest problems you can find. ...
  • Don't worry about skills or luck. ...
  • Don't be a victim. ...
  • Learn to love uncertainty. ...
  • Focus and ignore.
  • If you can't be good, be silly.

What is the best dating advice you can give? ›

Newly Dating? 15 Pieces of Advice To Help You Build a Healthy Relationship
  1. Focus on the present, not the past. ...
  2. Talk about the future early on. ...
  3. Make sure you're attracted to the person, not the idea of a relationship. ...
  4. Don't skip the sex talk! ...
  5. Meet each other's friends. ...
  6. Don't have important conversations over text. ...
  7. Be yourself.
Jun 15, 2022

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